A poster who says they began “konkatsu” (organized marriage-hunting) at age 23 shared their story on 5ch of reaching their late 30s without ever landing even a girlfriend.
When they revealed they’d been trying to find a girlfriend through dating apps rather than a marriage-hunting agency, thread regulars split over the cause — debating how to express kindness, how to make a move, and even bringing up the poster’s past struggle with panic disorder.
What's a guy supposed to do…
Honestly that's impressive in its own way.
What do you think caused it?
What do you think caused it?
>>4
No idea.
Whenever I ask girls why, all I get is
"You're kind and a good guy, but…"
"I can only see you like an older brother."
"I think you're good-looking, but…"
"I can't see you as a man."
Over and over.
I have no clue what I'm supposed to do.
No idea.
Whenever I ask girls why, all I get is
"You're kind and a good guy, but…"
"I can only see you like an older brother."
"I think you're good-looking, but…"
"I can't see you as a man."
Over and over.
I have no clue what I'm supposed to do.
Just hope for better luck next life.
Build up good karma in this one.
Build up good karma in this one.
>>6
Getting pretty spiritual there, huh.
Getting pretty spiritual there, huh.
You get maybe two do-overs, tops (like retaking exams).
If it's still not working after that, you'd just give up, right?
If it's still not working after that, you'd just give up, right?
>>7
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
You won't get a girlfriend unless you actually take interest in the other person and open up about yourself.
>>12
I thought I was doing both of those things though…
I thought I was doing both of those things though…
Why are the guys without girlfriends the ones lecturing me here?
>>13
Wait, these guys don't have girlfriends either?
Wait, these guys don't have girlfriends either?
Maybe you're being so nice you're not actually making a move.
>>16
Probably one of those guys who's got the wrong idea of what "kind" even means.
Probably one of those guys who's got the wrong idea of what "kind" even means.
>>16
I don't think that's it though.
Honestly I've never even thought about being "kind" lol.
I don't think that's it though.
Honestly I've never even thought about being "kind" lol.
Wait, you're registered with an actual marriage-hunting agency, right?
How do you not even know the reason?
How do you not even know the reason?
>>18
He means he's been trying to get a girlfriend through dating apps and hookup sites instead of a real marriage-hunting agency.
Start with landing a girlfriend first, obviously.
He means he's been trying to get a girlfriend through dating apps and hookup sites instead of a real marriage-hunting agency.
Start with landing a girlfriend first, obviously.
Maybe you're too much of a goody-two-shoes, or come off unreliable.
But if you're pushing 40 now, shouldn't you have some presence by now?
But if you're pushing 40 now, shouldn't you have some presence by now?
>>19
I don't think I'm too serious — being proper or straight-laced really isn't my style.
I am going a little bald though.
I don't think I'm too serious — being proper or straight-laced really isn't my style.
I am going a little bald though.
I mean, I have a wife.
>>28
How'd you make one? Out of clay?
How'd you make one? Out of clay?
>>45
A marriage agency.
Took about three years.
A marriage agency.
Took about three years.
You should go on the offensive hard once in a while.
"Isn't there someone nice out there for me?" → "Uh, I'm right in front of you!!"
"Thanks for the meal today" → "We're splitting the bill."
"I should get going now" → "Let's hit one more place! I'll walk you home after."
"Where should we go next time?" → "Wanna watch a movie at my place?"
"Isn't there someone nice out there for me?" → "Uh, I'm right in front of you!!"
"Thanks for the meal today" → "We're splitting the bill."
"I should get going now" → "Let's hit one more place! I'll walk you home after."
"Where should we go next time?" → "Wanna watch a movie at my place?"
>>43
Based on my actual experience, here's how I usually respond —
You should go on the offensive hard once in a while.
"Isn't there someone nice out there for me?" → "Uh, I'm right in front of you!!"
"Thanks for the meal today" → "Let me treat you."
"I should get going now" → "No one's ever said that to me, though I did get stood up once."
"Where should we go next time?" → "I'm just a high school grad so I can't afford my own place and I'm still a 'kodo-oji' (a grown man still living with his parents) — how about a manga café? Karaoke's good too."
That's about the level I'm at.
Based on my actual experience, here's how I usually respond —
You should go on the offensive hard once in a while.
"Isn't there someone nice out there for me?" → "Uh, I'm right in front of you!!"
"Thanks for the meal today" → "Let me treat you."
"I should get going now" → "No one's ever said that to me, though I did get stood up once."
"Where should we go next time?" → "I'm just a high school grad so I can't afford my own place and I'm still a 'kodo-oji' (a grown man still living with his parents) — how about a manga café? Karaoke's good too."
That's about the level I'm at.
>>71
A manga café or karaoke date? That's just done.
Not being able to see it from her perspective — that's game over.
Give up.
A manga café or karaoke date? That's just done.
Not being able to see it from her perspective — that's game over.
Give up.
>>71
The manga café thing is rough.
I don't feel any effort there.
The "high school grad" excuse doesn't land either.
The manga café thing is rough.
I don't feel any effort there.
The "high school grad" excuse doesn't land either.
That's gotta be an "usomatsu" (an obviously fake sob story).
If it's not, then you're being incredibly passive and never making a move at all.
If it's not, then you're being incredibly passive and never making a move at all.
>>113
I think I do make moves though.
Tell me how you'd do it.
I think I do make moves though.
Tell me how you'd do it.
Maybe forget about marriage for a while and just go all in on the things you actually want to do.
You'll build up more life experience
and become more attractive as a person, too.
You'll build up more life experience
and become more attractive as a person, too.
>>117
Thinking the same thing, I've gotten back into watching anime lately.
"Tanpuri" (his nickname for a current favorite anime) is great, my fandom activities are really taking off.
Thinking the same thing, I've gotten back into watching anime lately.
"Tanpuri" (his nickname for a current favorite anime) is great, my fandom activities are really taking off.
>>117
Being pushing 40 and only just reaching that stage now — that says it all lol.
Being pushing 40 and only just reaching that stage now — that says it all lol.
Oh, so the pattern is you go on several dates and then get turned down with "actually, never mind"?
Then maybe by the 2nd or 3rd date you should push things further, like asking "want to try dating, just to see?"
From her side, if you've met multiple times and this guy shows zero intention of moving things forward, she probably figures there's no future here.
Then maybe by the 2nd or 3rd date you should push things further, like asking "want to try dating, just to see?"
From her side, if you've met multiple times and this guy shows zero intention of moving things forward, she probably figures there's no future here.
>>120
No, it usually ends after the very first date.
And even when I do get a girlfriend, she cancels on me the next day or within a week.
No, it usually ends after the very first date.
And even when I do get a girlfriend, she cancels on me the next day or within a week.
>>125
Makes me wonder if I met you, would I want to stop being your friend within a week too…?
Do you have any guy friends?
Makes me wonder if I met you, would I want to stop being your friend within a week too…?
Do you have any guy friends?
>>130
Not really — I stopped going to school as a student because of panic disorder and couldn't even attend my own graduation ceremony.
Not really — I stopped going to school as a student because of panic disorder and couldn't even attend my own graduation ceremony.
>>134
Oh, I see.
Are the symptoms still around now? If so, it's totally fine to just casually see a psychosomatic clinic about it.
Oh, I see.
Are the symptoms still around now? If so, it's totally fine to just casually see a psychosomatic clinic about it.
*This article is compiled and summarized from the 5ch (News VIP) thread “I panicked and started marriage-hunting at 23, and now I’ve hit my late 30s without ever getting a girlfriend”.
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