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The story
A post on 5ch’s Newsoku VIP board titled “I’m so sex-averse my relationships never work out” set off a discussion. The poster, a woman, said every man she’s ever met tells her he won’t date her without sex, and asked whether she’s the weird one. The thread split over questions like: what actually separates a romantic relationship from a friendship, how should a partner’s libido be satisfied if you don’t want sex, and whether couples just have less sex after marriage anyway — with some users sharing their own experience of long-term relationships that never turned physical.
What people said
Every guy I meet says he won't date me if we can't have sex — am I the weird one here?
With friends you can always keep your distance, right? A partner = someone more important to you than a friend, that's how I see it
I just don't feel like it, honestly. For women it's basically nothing but risk, and I hate the idea of my body being used
Is it just penetration you don't like? If you're also against being touched or kissing, that's gonna be tough
The feeling of my body being "used" already makes it feel like they're not seeing me as a person — I can't do it
If anything, most couples stop having sex once they're married. Honestly I'd rather start the relationship already in that state
That's just both of you getting bored of each other
If your partner has a normal sex drive, where do you think they should go to satisfy it?
Because puberty happens. Biologically speaking
Going places together, spending time together, sure, but I want to become part of that person's life. You can totally do that without sex
Isn't that just… a boyfriend, though?
How do you deal with sexual release, then? Asking seriously
I mean, some people are like that, sure
Not really, in my case. I'd be fine with a guy who earns less than me or even works part-time — as long as he stays with me, that's enough
Are we just gonna let this slide?
The problem is doing this with someone else while you have a wife. So just leave your wife, then?
My wife is my wife. We're just on business trips together for work — being called a cheater over that is honestly insulting. I've never thought of her as anything but a coworker, then or now. I don't want her body, and I'd turn her down even if she wanted mine
From how Re: #140 wrote it I assumed it was personal, but if it's really just work forcing you to travel with a woman, then, well, respect for holding the line
It's not just sex — material desire, appetite, all forms of "want" are basically pointless. Sleep is the one exception since you'll die without it, so that one's unavoidable
By that logic, whatever you want out of a boyfriend is a pointless desire too.
So you don't need to date anyone
And you don't need to be attached to connecting with people or living alongside them either, then
Background and key points of the debate
The term “sex-averse” used by the poster is a self-description, not a medical diagnosis. The thread mainly split over two questions: how to distinguish a romantic relationship from a friendship, and how a partner’s sex drive should be satisfied if the couple isn’t having sex. Some pointed out that many married couples end up having less sex anyway, with some users saying what matters is that the relationship continues, not whether sex is part of it. Others shared their own experience of spending years with someone without ever becoming physical, suggesting that whether sex is a prerequisite for a relationship varies hugely depending on the person. Some replies pushed too far into the poster’s health or upbringing, or made sweeping generalizations about women, and those have been left out of this writeup.
※This article is excerpted and summarized from the 5ch (Newsoku VIP) thread “Can guys not date a woman without sex?“
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