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The story
The poster is a 29-year-old unemployed man, the youngest of six siblings. His 70-year-old father, whose dementia had been progressing, was hospitalized with aspiration pneumonia. When the news that he was in critical condition arrived over LINE, the poster was asleep and missed it — his father passed away before he ever saw the message. Still unable to process it, he posted photos of drinks and snacks while asking thread regulars for advice ahead of the wake the next day: could a Uniqlo suit stand in for mourning clothes? Where should he buy condolence-money envelopes and prayer beads? What’s the difference between a family funeral and a general funeral? Other posters also discussed inheritance procedures and voiced concern about the toll losing a longtime spouse can take on a surviving parent’s mind and body, while opinions split over the poster’s detached, matter-of-fact attitude.
What people said
Gotta have snacks with drinks, it's bad for you otherwise
Re: #5
I don't even know what expression to make at a time like this
And how old are you, OP?
I'm fuzzy on it, but I think dad was born around 1954, so a bit past 70
I just turned 29 recently
Your dad went pretty young
Are you the eldest son, OP? Did he pass recently?
I guess 70 still counts as young these days
My mom's about 10 years younger, around 60, so I hope she stays healthy for a long time yet
I'm the youngest of six siblings
He passed yesterday evening
he'd been declining fast over the past year or so, and the dementia had set in
Got rushed into the hospital at the end of August
Yesterday, while I was asleep, my sister and mom sent a LINE message saying he was in critical condition from aspiration pneumonia, that they were heading to the hospital, and to let them know if I wanted to come see him
Apparently he passed before I even noticed the message
The wake and the funeral are gonna be rough from here
But first, a solo toast in his honor
Breaking news like that over LINE — genuinely think that's what's wrong with the world these days
They should've just called
No use rushing now, but is it really okay to be drinking? Aren't you headed over tomorrow?
Are funerals really that sudden a thing?
Maybe I shouldn't have been drinking
Re: #23
Maybe it's in bad taste
But I'm unemployed and was asleep in the middle of the day when he died, so I couldn't even be there at the end — at this point I kind of feel like it doesn't matter anymore
I just feel bad for dumping all the hassle on my family back home
🍻
My sister messaged saying she's in the middle of handling the funeral arrangements and will be in touch again
Would a Uniqlo Kando blazer and pants work as mourning clothes?
Do I need to buy a black tie?
Should be fine as long as it's all black, top and bottom, right?
You'll also need a black tie and prayer beads
Can't you get those at a 100-yen store?
Being chief mourner is brutal
Visitors keep coming to pay respects for a while even after the funeral's over
You don't get the luxury of just sitting with your grief
For me, it didn't really sink in that my own dad had died until after the one-year memorial
Probably my mom, yeah
You're right, it's definitely gonna be a lot for her
But her LINE message had emoticons and emojis in it, so I honestly can't read how she's feeling
Truthfully I'm not that sad myself, and after hearing how much of a burden caring for dad had become for the family, part of me is relieved that's over now
But she was married to him for decades, so I really don't know how I should act around her
Being unemployed, there's an argument for not spending extra money
But you really should own a proper black suit for occasions like this
Don't be a burden this one last time
They trickle in separately over time instead of all at once
Which means the condolence return-gifts can't be handled in one go either
A big funeral is hard in its own way, but a family funeral has its own different kind of hassle
Free trivia for you
I'm flat broke, man
Re: #29
Yeah
I really do mean it — thanks for everything, rest easy
Re: #31
Whoa, I see 😰
Couldn't I just grab mourning clothes cheap at a secondhand shop or something?
Or wouldn't one of dad's old suits work?
As long as it fits
It was rough — there was so much I had no idea how to handle
You'll have a lot of forms to fill out and stamp with your seal
That sounds really rough
My parents are about 10 years apart and my mom still seems healthy, so I want to believe that won't happen to us
Re: #62
Some kind of Japanese curse variant?
Re: #63
I see,
Maybe I should bring my registered seal along
When you've been together for decades, losing one partner is a massive psychological shock
A lot of people suddenly decline health-wise or just lose their will to live after that
So does that mean the paperwork is on her alone?
I think it's fine to just laugh
Children count as legal heirs too, you know
Lmaooo
Re: #75
Apparently my sister said there's inheritance procedures to go through and she'd be in touch again soon
Though I doubt there's much of an estate to speak of
We couldn't even afford to put him in a care facility when we wanted to
Personally I don't need anything so I don't care how it's split, but I guess I'll still have to sign off on something
That's what family is for
For me it started hurting the moment he died, but I ended up bedridden after bringing the urn home
Is that how it goes
Re: #129
No damage here, sorry to say
Guess that's just the kind of person I am
Re: #130
Tru-🦀-ly (wordplay: たしかに/"indeed" split so the "kani" sounds like 蟹, "crab")
It's not your grief that matters here, it's your mom's
If you're a kidult still living at home (a "kodo-oji"), the damage hits way harder
The reality of the death sinks in bit by bit afterward
Seriously, this exactly
Missing teeth or something? Both care facilities and hospitals are usually pretty careful about that kind of thing
Is that how it is
Re: #136
I think he still had his teeth
But his dementia had progressed pretty far — apparently he was putting up serious resistance to my sister who was caring for him, almost to the point of violence
Well, I don't really know, I'd have to ask for details
And I'm the kind of person who decides it's fine not to bother asking
Nah, not really — bring something easy to snack on
That kind of thing might go down easier for people right now
Snacks and stuff like that will already be handled by the chief mourner or the siblings nearby, don't worry about it
You're the unemployed youngest right now — just go empty-handed if you can
Guess I was a fool for expecting a photo of you trying on the mourning suit
Background and Key Points of the Discussion
Aspiration pneumonia is a common cause of death among the elderly; as swallowing ability declines, and dementia makes patients more resistant to being fed or assisted with meals, the risk of aspiration rises further. The thread’s observation that “choosing a family funeral actually means visitors trickle in separately, which drags out the return-gift arrangements for condolence money” points to a practical burden — smaller in scale than a general funeral but more spread out over time — that only someone who’s been through it would think to mention. On inheritance, as one poster corrected another, many people mistakenly assume a surviving spouse inherits everything, when in fact children count as legal heirs too. Reactions to the poster’s detached, matter-of-fact attitude split between those who found it disrespectful and those who felt everyone processes a family member’s death differently — no consensus was reached either way.
※This article is compiled and summarized from the 5ch (Nyuusoku VIP) thread “I’m unemployed but my dad died so I’m drinking — keep me company“.
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