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The story
A thread on 5ch’s “Newsspeed VIP” board features a 33-year-old man who says he’s genuinely fallen for a 19-year-old concept café girl (a maid-café-style hostess venue). He takes it as a sign she doesn’t dislike him that she told him where her side job at a family restaurant is, and he’s asking whether he should try asking her out. While plenty of posters offer sober warnings — “taking sales talk seriously is dangerous,” “you’ll just get drained for cash” — others push him to go for it, saying “some women do appreciate kindness” or “just ask her already.” The thread split over how much distance you should keep from the customer-service affection sold at concept cafés and hostess clubs.
What people said
Even if dating's out of reach, I'd at least like to go on a date with her…
She's got a second job at a family restaurant besides the concept café, and she told me where that is too — I've actually gone a few times.
That's gotta mean she doesn't hate me… right?
She's got a second job at a family restaurant besides the concept café, and she told me where that is too — I've actually gone a few times.
That's gotta mean she doesn't hate me… right?
You should give up on this
before you end up a criminal.
before you end up a criminal.
Re: #4
She's not a minor, so it's not a crime, right?
Re: #5
I'm not going to do anything that'd turn into an incident.
She's not a minor, so it's not a crime, right?
Re: #5
I'm not going to do anything that'd turn into an incident.
Guys like this are exactly the ones who end up causing incidents.
It was never gonna happen from the start.
Please, just stop going there.
It was never gonna happen from the start.
Please, just stop going there.
Pheromones from someone genetically distant from you smell good to you.
If OP feels that about her,
it means she feels it about OP too.
If OP feels that about her,
it means she feels it about OP too.
He's gonna get played, drained of cash, and end up bitter.
Re: #10
She told me I'm her favorite customer!
But that's probably just sales talk, so I'm not taking it seriously…
Re: #12 Re: #13
Yeah, this really isn't realistic, is it…
She told me I'm her favorite customer!
But that's probably just sales talk, so I'm not taking it seriously…
Re: #12 Re: #13
Yeah, this really isn't realistic, is it…
Think about it rationally — why do girls work at concept cafés in the first place?
Mostly to fund a host-club guy or a hot boyfriend, or to buy up beauty products and brand goods.
There's no room in that picture for you.
Mostly to fund a host-club guy or a hot boyfriend, or to buy up beauty products and brand goods.
There's no room in that picture for you.
Re: #26
Even if that's true, would she tell me where her non-café job is?
Re: #26
She said she's not into hosts, and she doesn't seem like the type buying up brand-name stuff.
I've seen her in regular clothes a few times too — stylish, sure, but nothing designer.
Even if that's true, would she tell me where her non-café job is?
Re: #26
She said she's not into hosts, and she doesn't seem like the type buying up brand-name stuff.
I've seen her in regular clothes a few times too — stylish, sure, but nothing designer.
Re: #34
Seriously though
How do you even arrive at that logic?
'She told me where her other job is, so she must like me'?
Seriously though
How do you even arrive at that logic?
'She told me where her other job is, so she must like me'?
Re: #34
You can spin things that pointlessly positive but you still can't ask her out?
Just ask her.
Quit whining and ask her already.
You can spin things that pointlessly positive but you still can't ask her out?
Just ask her.
Quit whining and ask her already.
I suggested going to a sushi place, but for two people that'll run at least 30,000 yen (~$200).
Honestly I don't have that kind of money, so it's not like I can just casually go…
There's nothing appealing about a broke guy in his 30s, is there.
Honestly I don't have that kind of money, so it's not like I can just casually go…
There's nothing appealing about a broke guy in his 30s, is there.
Re: #27
Seriously, something's wrong with you.
You're in your 30s and can barely afford a sushi dinner — there's no way you're winning over a teenage girl.
Seriously, something's wrong with you.
You're in your 30s and can barely afford a sushi dinner — there's no way you're winning over a teenage girl.
Re: #27
Well, there's still kindness and things like that —
some pure-hearted women do value that side of a person.
Well, there's still kindness and things like that —
some pure-hearted women do value that side of a person.
Re: #27
On the flip side, using that as motivation to work harder is a valid approach too.
As long as you know when to walk away, giving it a shot isn't a bad idea.
On the flip side, using that as motivation to work harder is a valid approach too.
As long as you know when to walk away, giving it a shot isn't a bad idea.
Why not just go on the date first and figure out the rest after?
Just go find a woman somewhere that isn't a place like that.
Why can't guys like this understand that to her, customers are just money?
Why can't guys like this understand that to her, customers are just money?
Re: #29
I don't even know how to ask her out.
Re: #31
I've never actually been able to talk properly with a woman in my whole life…
She's the only woman I can even contact.
I don't even know how to ask her out.
Re: #31
I've never actually been able to talk properly with a woman in my whole life…
She's the only woman I can even contact.
Re: #40
That's exactly why you go find one.
Nobody starts out with someone.
Put in the effort to find one.
That's exactly why you go find one.
Nobody starts out with someone.
Put in the effort to find one.
Re: #40
'Remember I mentioned sushi before? I found a good-looking place, want to go?'
Something like that.
'Remember I mentioned sushi before? I found a good-looking place, want to go?'
Something like that.
I don't really think of it as money spent 'on her,' so I think I'm okay on that front.
I do get to spend enjoyable time with her, after all, so I see it as paying for that service.
I do get to spend enjoyable time with her, after all, so I see it as paying for that service.
Re: #50
Yeah? It IS a service.
See, you get it.
She's only spending time with you because you're paying, you know?
Yeah? It IS a service.
See, you get it.
She's only spending time with you because you're paying, you know?
Re: #50
And the moment you get rejected, that turns straight into hatred.
You've seen the news stories about guys just like you snapping, haven't you?
And the moment you get rejected, that turns straight into hatred.
You've seen the news stories about guys just like you snapping, haven't you?
A 19-year-old I know is dating a 45-year-old, so it's doable, it's doable.
Re: #58
Wait, she was actually 18.
Wait, she was actually 18.
Re: #58
That's a guy who's successful at his job —
someone with money and emotional stability to spare.
He lives in a completely different world from the virgin ("dotei") in this thread.
That's a guy who's successful at his job —
someone with money and emotional stability to spare.
He lives in a completely different world from the virgin ("dotei") in this thread.
Re: #54
But at her family-restaurant job — not the café — it's not like I'm buying her drinks or anything, so no matter how much money I spend there it doesn't benefit her at all, right?
Yet she still told me where that job is, so I can't help but think it's not purely about me spending money…
But at her family-restaurant job — not the café — it's not like I'm buying her drinks or anything, so no matter how much money I spend there it doesn't benefit her at all, right?
Yet she still told me where that job is, so I can't help but think it's not purely about me spending money…
Re: #60
Telling you where she works part-time costs her nothing —
it just doesn't get in the way of a plan like the one in Re: #65.
Telling you where she works part-time costs her nothing —
it just doesn't get in the way of a plan like the one in Re: #65.
Once you actually start falling for real, that's when the real extraction begins, I feel like.
OP: 'Found a sushi place — what day works for you?'
Her: 'Sure! So before then, go spend 100,000 yen (~$700) at the shop first, okay?'
You go to sushi, nothing happens.
This keeps going — 1 million yen, 2 million yen (~$7,000, ~$14,000).
OP: 'Hey, want to start dating soon?'
Her: 'Sorry, I'm getting married, so I'm quitting the shop! Bye!'
Only dream this dream if you're confident it won't break you.
OP: 'Found a sushi place — what day works for you?'
Her: 'Sure! So before then, go spend 100,000 yen (~$700) at the shop first, okay?'
You go to sushi, nothing happens.
This keeps going — 1 million yen, 2 million yen (~$7,000, ~$14,000).
OP: 'Hey, want to start dating soon?'
Her: 'Sorry, I'm getting married, so I'm quitting the shop! Bye!'
Only dream this dream if you're confident it won't break you.
Re: #65
If there's actually a concept café girl who'd string someone along that far, that's impressive.
She'd be risking her life.
If there's actually a concept café girl who'd string someone along that far, that's impressive.
She'd be risking her life.
The fact that OP is ignoring Re: #65
already shows he's in dangerous territory.
The type who refuses to see anything inconvenient,
and throws a tantrum and loses it when things don't go his way.
already shows he's in dangerous territory.
The type who refuses to see anything inconvenient,
and throws a tantrum and loses it when things don't go his way.
Re: #81
Generalizing about all women from a sample size of one story is a bit much…
Generalizing about all women from a sample size of one story is a bit much…
Re: #84
I'm speaking from experience.
Hostess-club girls especially tend to dangle hints of affection to reel in big-spending customers.
A friend of mine got caught in exactly the pattern described in Re: #65.
I'm speaking from experience.
Hostess-club girls especially tend to dangle hints of affection to reel in big-spending customers.
A friend of mine got caught in exactly the pattern described in Re: #65.
Well, I don't think she's actually pushing that hard for money.
Every time, she asks upfront, 'How much are you okay spending today?' and she's never gone over the amount I said…
Though I still end up spending around 20,000 yen (~$140) each time.
Every time, she asks upfront, 'How much are you okay spending today?' and she's never gone over the amount I said…
Though I still end up spending around 20,000 yen (~$140) each time.
Re: #99
Concept cafés aren't supposed to cost that much to begin with.
Concept cafés aren't supposed to cost that much to begin with.
Re: #99
LOL, she's squeezing you right up to the limit.
LOL, she's squeezing you right up to the limit.
What is it with guys who fall for real for concept café girls, idols, hostesses, that kind of thing?
Why can't they understand it's entertainment — enjoying the back-and-forth of a pretend romance?
Why take it seriously?
You're just paying to enjoy a 'performance,' that's all.
Why can't they understand it's entertainment — enjoying the back-and-forth of a pretend romance?
Why take it seriously?
You're just paying to enjoy a 'performance,' that's all.
See?
He's ignoring Re: #101 again, isn't he?
That's exactly why OP is nothing but dangerous.
He's ignoring Re: #101 again, isn't he?
That's exactly why OP is nothing but dangerous.
Re: #124
You're the dangerous one here lol
Don't let your prejudice pile up until you're making death threats or something.
You're the dangerous one here lol
Don't let your prejudice pile up until you're making death threats or something.
Re: #125
I don't know if your own life's such a wreck that you're hoping for something like that to happen,
but quit egging OP on for fun and steering him down the wrong path just to laugh at him.
I don't know if your own life's such a wreck that you're hoping for something like that to happen,
but quit egging OP on for fun and steering him down the wrong path just to laugh at him.
Re: #125
If OP isn't just trolling, then saying something like that to snap him back to reality seems fine to me.
It's not prejudice at all —
I think he's just describing how the nightlife business actually works.
If OP isn't just trolling, then saying something like that to snap him back to reality seems fine to me.
It's not prejudice at all —
I think he's just describing how the nightlife business actually works.
Introduce me to the concept café girl.
I'll give wooing her a shot.
I'll give wooing her a shot.
Re: #133
You're the spark that starts fires.
The fact that it turns into arguments like this shows just how dangerous falling for real for concept café, hostess, or adult-entertainment workers really is.
You're the spark that starts fires.
The fact that it turns into arguments like this shows just how dangerous falling for real for concept café, hostess, or adult-entertainment workers really is.
Re: #134
No way.
Re: #135
I wonder if it really is dangerous…
No way.
Re: #135
I wonder if it really is dangerous…
Re: #136
What kind of conversations do you usually have at the café?
Give me specifics.
Are you the one bringing up topics?
Or are you just listening to her talk?
What kind of conversations do you usually have at the café?
Give me specifics.
Are you the one bringing up topics?
Or are you just listening to her talk?
Re: #136
You might think you're being level-headed right now, but the moment you start thinking 'maybe I've got a small chance,' your judgment starts clouding over — and honestly it's probably already clouded.
Exchanging personal contact info and having her actually open up to you honestly — that's barely the starting line.
Small talk or a little venting is still well within normal customer service, so if you don't seriously get a grip, you're going to screw this up.
You might think you're being level-headed right now, but the moment you start thinking 'maybe I've got a small chance,' your judgment starts clouding over — and honestly it's probably already clouded.
Exchanging personal contact info and having her actually open up to you honestly — that's barely the starting line.
Small talk or a little venting is still well within normal customer service, so if you don't seriously get a grip, you're going to screw this up.
Background and Key Points of This Discussion
Service at concept cafés and hostess clubs is known for cultivating an intimacy that mimics romantic affection — a kind of “pseudo-romance” sales technique — and it’s long been noted that this structure makes customers prone to mistaking friendliness for genuine feelings. Japan’s age of adulthood was lowered to 18 under the 2022 revision of the Civil Code, and as the original post notes, dating a 19-year-old is not itself illegal. Where the thread split was over how to interpret her telling him where her other job is — some read it as a sign of special trust, others as ordinary friendliness — with posters citing real cases where a customer’s infatuation escalated into financial trouble or blowback after rejection. Friction over this kind of “sincere-love sales talk” is a recurring theme on threads about the nightlife industry, and this case struck a chord less as new information than as a familiar, relatable example.
※This article is excerpted and summarized from the 5ch (Newsspeed VIP) thread “I’m a 33-year-old guy who’s genuinely fallen for a 19-year-old concept café girl”.
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