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The story
A poster on 5ch (Nyuusoku VIP), troubled by his relationship with his girlfriend, started a thread asking, “Was she after my money all along?” He says he covers all the date expenses himself and single-handedly plans and books their trips, yet he rarely gets so much as a thank-you or anything in return from her. The thread split between blunt replies telling him to “dump her already” and advice suggesting that “since you’re her first boyfriend, she’s probably just come to see you paying for everything as normal — try actually asking her for something and she might change.”
What people said
But I kept telling myself that couldn't be true.
That's fine, but lately she's stopped holding back at all — even when we go shopping, it's like she just assumes I'll buy everything.
She never does anything for me in return
There used to be small things, though
Stuff that made me think "thanks, that made me happy"
Like what kind of stuff?
Sorry, I just felt a connection so I replied
Guess there are more couples like that out there than I thought
She'll tell me, "I handed out homemade sweets to my coworkers and they loved them!"
but she never makes any for me
That's messed up, right?
Have you not just told her you want some too?
Re: #17
So you're seriously getting nothing back from her at all?
And meanwhile you're still giving her stuff.
Dump her already.
Exactly
It's not even that I expect it, it's more like, I do all this for her and she does nothing for me?
Hearing about all the stuff she does for coworkers and friends just leaves me feeling kind of sour
I feel this so hard, total agreement
There are also cases where it's the girlfriend who picks the date spot and initiates hand-holding and the boyfriend does nothing at all
You think there's someone else?
We call almost every night until we fall asleep and text on LINE all the time, so I don't think there's another guy…
We always see each other on days off and we're intimate too
I was actually just listening to the girlfriend's side of the story about that couple (a friend of mine in real life) up until a moment ago
From what she said, the girlfriend is pushing through as a working adult despite being physically frail, but the boyfriend held back a year at school, isn't really job hunting, only works a part-time job 3 days a week, and doesn't study much either — total wimpy type.
Apparently this guy — who's too timid to even call over a server at a restaurant — wants to be seen as manly, and he's all "I want to have sex every day!"
She apparently doesn't feel any sexual attraction to him at all
Also, these days she's the one treating him more often, he gets moody whenever she's not feeling well, and she's even the one who helped him find his current part-time job
So yeah, couples like that exist too
I'm her first boyfriend, so maybe she just doesn't really understand how relationships work
There's just nothing where she's trying to make me happy
Even something small would be fine
Then just dump her
If she comes crying or actually changes after that, she really does love you
If she just walks away without a fuss, she never cared about you at all
I've cut women like that loose before
Because staying with them is just pointless
I know, but
I love everything about her
I've never fallen this hard for anyone before
If only this nagging feeling weren't there
Ah okay, I see how it is
Have you two traveled together?
Yeah, we've traveled a few times
She likes going out
Does she help decide the destination for those trips at all?
I usually ask what she'd like and then decide the destination myself
She doesn't really know how to plan that stuff
Yeah, I figured
And I bet you're the one booking the restaurants and hotels too, right?
Why not actually ask her to do it once?
Personally I'd want to thank someone like crazy or give them snacks and drinks for that, so your girlfriend's a mystery to me
Yeah, I do everything
I don't think she has any idea how much time and money I put into preparing for our everyday shopping and trips
It sounds like it's become "normal" precisely because you do everything
She said you're her first boyfriend, right? That makes it even more likely to feel normal to her
Why not try asking her something like "It'd make me happy if you did this!"
She doesn't really say "I love you" on her own much
If I ask her directly she'll say she loves me
But when we're together she gets really clingy in a sweet way
She's the one who snuggles up against my chest, and she'll fix the blanket for me while I'm sleeping — she does have that gentle side
Sorry, I don't really want to say this straight to your face, but
At this rate you're gonna blow up eventually
They say love is blind, right?
It's basically mild brainwashing
Once it wears off, it won't feel like such a big deal anymore
But if you're seriously determined to fix this, I'll think about how we can actually help
She's only 21 and was a virgin, so I felt like I had to treasure her, and maybe I ended up spoiling her too much
Actually, the other day there was a moment where she basically tried to make me pay for something
When I told her flat out on the spot, "isn't this a bit off?"
she apologized honestly, saying, "sorry, I always have you paying for everything and I guess my sense of it got messed up"
Then a few days later she brought it up again, grumbling on and on about that time
And that's when I started to feel distrustful of her…
The way she outsources her own sense of restraint to someone else is a pretty big red flag
She'll probably keep repeating stuff like this going forward
And she probably won't even think it's that bad, since she can't judge right from wrong on her own
Background and Key Issues
In Japanese dating culture, the custom of “the man pays more for dates” still runs deep, but in recent years more people have come to expect splitting costs or an equal financial footing, which makes friction likely across generations and individual attitudes. What divided opinion in the thread wasn’t the money itself, but how to interpret the presence or absence of gratitude and reciprocity. Whether it being taken for granted that he pays is really the girlfriend’s personal issue, or whether it stems from the poster never having clearly voiced his frustration until now, can’t be determined from this post alone. Likewise, the explanation that “she just doesn’t understand because she has little relationship experience” is only the poster’s own interpretation, and there’s no way to confirm her side of the story. This should be read with the understanding that it reflects only a one-sided account.
※This article is excerpted and summarized from the 5ch (Nyuusoku VIP) thread “Is My Girlfriend Only With Me For…“.
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