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The story
The thread kicked off when the original poster’s boss complained, “Caring for my parents is brutal,” and the poster replied, “My parents say they won’t be a burden like that.” The boss shot back, “Ah, you’re young.” From there, posters shared their own family struggles with elder care — from the challenges of managing finances once dementia sets in, to the harsh realities of finding a care facility, to experiences of watching a parent through their final days.
What people said
Me: "Wait, seriously? 😭"
Isn't that risky though?
There's always a chance the facility could go under,
and then you'd have no home to go back to.
Well, if you just ignore all that, the regional support center (a public elder-care coordination office) will sort it out somehow.
The kids can just play dumb and get by.
They could always get into public housing or something.
But I want that life insurance payout, so I stop just short of cutting off contact completely.
Even with a relationship like that, they still have life insurance?
You know the movie Benjamin Button?
I think it helps to just think of your demented parent as a child.
Though I imagine it's actually really tough in practice…
It's not all bad though — by the time they die, you won't feel as sad about it.
Doesn't it make you even sadder, realizing you feel relieved when the parent you once loved so much finally dies?
Can't be helped, I guess — probably better to just accept that as normal.
She's completely lost the ability to budget a daily allowance or cut back on spending.
Once dementia sets in, they drop money without noticing and can even shoplift without realizing it.
There's just nothing you can do about it.
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"I don't want dialysis… I can't even rent an apartment…"
Dying quickly and cleanly is just a fantasy.
If you're gonna say you won't be a burden, at least buy a house.
People have been talking about the "can't rent an apartment in old age" problem forever.
Exactly, and they say this stuff but then just… don't die.
Even if both the person and their family are mentally prepared for that, actually seeing a parent who can't move anymore, covered in filth and groaning, makes you feel like something has to be done.
They did the same for me when I was a baby, so cleaning up poop doesn't really bother me, I guess.
But the baby phase is over in no time.
We're talking about someone who could keep living for another 10 years after they stop being able to move.
It's just a different level of tough.
The body size is different, and so is the smell and size of the… output.
Inmates could earn cooking or caregiving certifications, and residents could get in cheap.
It'd help with rehabilitation more than making them do woodworking that never sells anyway.
Seems like inmates bullying the residents would start pretty quickly though.
I mean it, they really don't die.
My grandpa lived almost 10 years after a stroke left him paralyzed on one side.
Couldn't say it to my grandma, but I honestly thought it would've been better if he hadn't survived and had just passed away.
Getting them into a special nursing home (a subsidized long-term care facility) is the best option.
Though of course, there's a waiting list.
Now I've taken over their shop.
Since I was single, I could quit my job and come straight back — but I don't think I could've done it if I had a family of my own.
🥺 Same here — I'm planning to move back home from Tokyo next year too.
My parent can't get around anymore and is about to have surgery.
Guess it's about time.
Most places have waiting lists — it's not like you can just get them in the moment you want to.
When you already know someone's dying, whether they pass in a hospital, a facility, or at home comes down a lot to their own wishes — you naturally want to respect that as much as possible.
You want to do what the person themselves actually wants, don't you?
You stick them in a facility and end up paying several hundred thousand yen a month.
I've got no savings.
What am I even supposed to do?
It's for your parent, so just pay out of your parent's own pension and savings, lol.
"What am I supposed to do" — guys like you are exactly the type who end up letting a parent die at home, never reporting it, and leaving them there until it makes the news…
Background and Key Points
The debate sits on top of Japan’s kaigo hoken (long-term care insurance) system, introduced in 2000 and funded by mandatory premiums from age 40. It graded citizens by care-need level and created a network of chiiki houkatsu shien centers — public “regional comprehensive support centers” mentioned in the thread — that assess elderly residents and route them toward home help, day care, or facility placement. The cheapest institutional option, the tokubetsu yougo roujin homu (tokuyou, “special nursing home”), is income-tested and heavily subsidized, which is why it has multi-year waiting lists in most cities; private paid facilities admit faster but run several hundred thousand yen a month, which is the number posters cite when talking about draining a parent’s pension and savings. Japan’s over-65 share is above 29%, the highest of any country, so this isn’t a niche family problem but a structural one discussed constantly in national media.
The thread’s real fault line isn’t whether to love or resent one’s parents — it’s whether institutions can actually be trusted to absorb the burden the family can’t. One camp treats the support center and facility system as a safety net you can lean on and “play dumb” toward; another points out facilities go bankrupt, waiting lists stall, and the state ultimately expects the family to pay from the parent’s own assets anyway.
What outsiders likely miss is the closing reference to parents “dying at home, unreported, until it makes the news” — this alludes to a recurring Japanese scandal where families conceal a parent’s death to keep collecting pension payments, a fraud problem distinct from ordinary neglect.
※This article is excerpted and summarized from the 5channel (Nandemo Jikkyou G) thread “Boss: “Caring for my parents is rough, ngh…” Me: “My parents say they won’t be any trouble like that” Boss: “Ah, you’re young”“.
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