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The story
The thread kicked off when the original poster’s boss complained, “Caring for my parents is brutal,” and the poster replied, “My parents say they won’t be a burden like that.” The boss shot back, “Ah, you’re young.” From there, posters shared their own family struggles with elder care — from the challenges of managing finances once dementia sets in, to the harsh realities of finding a care facility, to experiences of watching a parent through their final days.
What people said
Boss: "Mine used to say the same thing, but once they couldn't move around anymore, they started asking for all kinds of things."
Me: "Wait, seriously? 😭"
Me: "Wait, seriously? 😭"
There are actually people who sell off their own house and just check themselves into a care facility.
Re: #4
Isn't that risky though?
There's always a chance the facility could go under,
and then you'd have no home to go back to.
Isn't that risky though?
There's always a chance the facility could go under,
and then you'd have no home to go back to.
Re: #5
Well, if you just ignore all that, the regional support center (a public elder-care coordination office) will sort it out somehow.
The kids can just play dumb and get by.
Well, if you just ignore all that, the regional support center (a public elder-care coordination office) will sort it out somehow.
The kids can just play dumb and get by.
Re: #5
They could always get into public housing or something.
They could always get into public housing or something.
I've got nothing but resentment for my parents, so there's no way I'm ever doing elder care for them.
But I want that life insurance payout, so I stop just short of cutting off contact completely.
But I want that life insurance payout, so I stop just short of cutting off contact completely.
Re: #11
Even with a relationship like that, they still have life insurance?
Even with a relationship like that, they still have life insurance?
Once a parent's dementia progresses far enough, they become nothing more than "the thing that used to be my parent."
Re: #28
You know the movie Benjamin Button?
I think it helps to just think of your demented parent as a child.
Though I imagine it's actually really tough in practice…
You know the movie Benjamin Button?
I think it helps to just think of your demented parent as a child.
Though I imagine it's actually really tough in practice…
The reality of a parent forgetting their own child is a pretty brutal thing for that child to deal with.
Re: #30
It's not all bad though — by the time they die, you won't feel as sad about it.
It's not all bad though — by the time they die, you won't feel as sad about it.
Re: #32
Doesn't it make you even sadder, realizing you feel relieved when the parent you once loved so much finally dies?
Doesn't it make you even sadder, realizing you feel relieved when the parent you once loved so much finally dies?
Re: #33
Can't be helped, I guess — probably better to just accept that as normal.
Can't be helped, I guess — probably better to just accept that as normal.
My grandma ("babba") has dementia, and the worst part by far is that she can no longer manage money.
She's completely lost the ability to budget a daily allowance or cut back on spending.
She's completely lost the ability to budget a daily allowance or cut back on spending.
Re: #41
Once dementia sets in, they drop money without noticing and can even shoplift without realizing it.
There's just nothing you can do about it.
Once dementia sets in, they drop money without noticing and can even shoplift without realizing it.
There's just nothing you can do about it.
Dad: "I'm gonna live fast and die young (booze and smokes)! I'll kick the bucket early so I won't be a burden!"
↓
"I don't want dialysis… I can't even rent an apartment…"
Dying quickly and cleanly is just a fantasy.
↓
"I don't want dialysis… I can't even rent an apartment…"
Dying quickly and cleanly is just a fantasy.
Re: #50
If you're gonna say you won't be a burden, at least buy a house.
People have been talking about the "can't rent an apartment in old age" problem forever.
If you're gonna say you won't be a burden, at least buy a house.
People have been talking about the "can't rent an apartment in old age" problem forever.
Re: #50
Exactly, and they say this stuff but then just… don't die.
Exactly, and they say this stuff but then just… don't die.
We probably need some kind of system where people are allowed to die once they can no longer take care of themselves.
Re: #51
Even if both the person and their family are mentally prepared for that, actually seeing a parent who can't move anymore, covered in filth and groaning, makes you feel like something has to be done.
Even if both the person and their family are mentally prepared for that, actually seeing a parent who can't move anymore, covered in filth and groaning, makes you feel like something has to be done.
You end up having to deal with their poop, you know.
Re: #54
They did the same for me when I was a baby, so cleaning up poop doesn't really bother me, I guess.
They did the same for me when I was a baby, so cleaning up poop doesn't really bother me, I guess.
Re: #61
But the baby phase is over in no time.
We're talking about someone who could keep living for another 10 years after they stop being able to move.
But the baby phase is over in no time.
We're talking about someone who could keep living for another 10 years after they stop being able to move.
Re: #61
It's just a different level of tough.
The body size is different, and so is the smell and size of the… output.
It's just a different level of tough.
The body size is different, and so is the smell and size of the… output.
They should just turn prisons into nursing homes.
Inmates could earn cooking or caregiving certifications, and residents could get in cheap.
It'd help with rehabilitation more than making them do woodworking that never sells anyway.
Inmates could earn cooking or caregiving certifications, and residents could get in cheap.
It'd help with rehabilitation more than making them do woodworking that never sells anyway.
Re: #73
Seems like inmates bullying the residents would start pretty quickly though.
Seems like inmates bullying the residents would start pretty quickly though.
Seriously, they just won't die.
I mean it, they really don't die.
I mean it, they really don't die.
Re: #81
My grandpa lived almost 10 years after a stroke left him paralyzed on one side.
Couldn't say it to my grandma, but I honestly thought it would've been better if he hadn't survived and had just passed away.
My grandpa lived almost 10 years after a stroke left him paralyzed on one side.
Couldn't say it to my grandma, but I honestly thought it would've been better if he hadn't survived and had just passed away.
Putting them in a facility is really the only option — there's a limit to what you can handle caring for them at home.
Re: #88
Getting them into a special nursing home (a subsidized long-term care facility) is the best option.
Though of course, there's a waiting list.
Getting them into a special nursing home (a subsidized long-term care facility) is the best option.
Though of course, there's a waiting list.
I used to work in Tokyo, but when I heard my self-employed parent's health was declining, I moved back to my hometown.
Now I've taken over their shop.
Since I was single, I could quit my job and come straight back — but I don't think I could've done it if I had a family of my own.
Now I've taken over their shop.
Since I was single, I could quit my job and come straight back — but I don't think I could've done it if I had a family of my own.
Re: #90
🥺 Same here — I'm planning to move back home from Tokyo next year too.
My parent can't get around anymore and is about to have surgery.
Guess it's about time.
🥺 Same here — I'm planning to move back home from Tokyo next year too.
My parent can't get around anymore and is about to have surgery.
Guess it's about time.
Why don't people who care for their parents themselves just leave it to professionals who do it for a living? No money?
Re: #100
Most places have waiting lists — it's not like you can just get them in the moment you want to.
Most places have waiting lists — it's not like you can just get them in the moment you want to.
Re: #100
When you already know someone's dying, whether they pass in a hospital, a facility, or at home comes down a lot to their own wishes — you naturally want to respect that as much as possible.
When you already know someone's dying, whether they pass in a hospital, a facility, or at home comes down a lot to their own wishes — you naturally want to respect that as much as possible.
Re: #100
You want to do what the person themselves actually wants, don't you?
You want to do what the person themselves actually wants, don't you?
Re: #110
You stick them in a facility and end up paying several hundred thousand yen a month.
You stick them in a facility and end up paying several hundred thousand yen a month.
Re: #111
I've got no savings.
What am I even supposed to do?
I've got no savings.
What am I even supposed to do?
Re: #113
It's for your parent, so just pay out of your parent's own pension and savings, lol.
It's for your parent, so just pay out of your parent's own pension and savings, lol.
Re: #113
"What am I supposed to do" — guys like you are exactly the type who end up letting a parent die at home, never reporting it, and leaving them there until it makes the news…
"What am I supposed to do" — guys like you are exactly the type who end up letting a parent die at home, never reporting it, and leaving them there until it makes the news…
※This article is excerpted and summarized from the 5channel (Nandemo Jikkyou G) thread “Boss: “Caring for my parents is rough, ngh…” Me: “My parents say they won’t be any trouble like that” Boss: “Ah, you’re young”“.
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